New Days

I've been sitting here trying to think up something in my brain to write. Something I find interesting and worth while ; Alas it all slips away from me at this point. Tomorrow marks the day that I'll start the next "year" of my life. Something you and I might see set in stone ; Hopefully It will all comes crashing down just so I can build it all back up in perfect order again , it'll at least be a whirl. I hope to make new decisions, new friends, new relationships, and a lot of changes.

So I'll leave you with this quote, because I love my quotes. If you haven't noticed.

"We always ask if there’s still hope left or if there’s still time. But we never realize that hope only leaves when we doubt it and time only runs out the moment we give up."

— Unknown

I tend to like the quotes by those who are unknown, clearly those in hiding have better insight.

Him and a lot of others.

When it all boils down to it, are we all just running on these inferior/superior complexes? Less than and better than are quantitative things that I never thought applied to us. Clearly science is right, which is why I doubt I'll fit.

These moods come at the most inopportune times. Who knows, maybe we are a little bit jealous. But honestly I don't think it's too much to ask for, when I figure I do it all the time. But then again, this is how I portray myself to the world.

One of three things will happen tonight...I'll keep you updated!

You know

" As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let us down, probably will. You’ll have your heart broken and you’ll break others’ hearts. You’ll fight with your best friend or maybe even fall in love with them, and you’ll cry because time is flying by. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, forgive freely, and love like you’ve never been hurt. Life comes with no guarantees, no time outs, no second chances. you just have to live life to the fullest, tell someone what they mean to you and tell someone off, speak out, dance in the pouring rain, hold someone’s hand, comfort a friend, fall asleep watching the sun come up, stay up late, be a flirt, and smile until your face hurts. Don’t be afraid to take chances or fall in love and most of all, live in the moment because every second you spend angry or upset is a second of happiness you can never get back." - Unknown

Sonya's right, I have gone from being super dark to somewhat of a hopeful in my writing. It's a bit exiting.

Ffoeg

It would be much easier between us if you'd just ask, instead of making me pull it out of you ; hoping for the right reaction. Oh well, it's still fun.

Did I Ask You For Attention When Affection Is What I Need!?

Lately, I've been listening to Metric's latest album hardcore. It has me thinking lawts. You know the celluloids and the make believes. Where I'm going, how i'm getting there. If I'm comfortable in my own skin or not. The so called big questions that everyone's dying to get answered. But then again that kind of stuff is always on my mind. I hope it's on everyone elses as well.

Honestly, I've just been thinking about myself. I'm wondering if I'm discontent as of late with most things in my life right now because that's what most of society, the world, people around me tell me I should be or if I'm really feeling this way because I need/want a change. I feel uncomfortable about a lot of things in my control ; my reinventing hasn't gone far enough , at least in the direction I want it to go towards. This healthy image of mind , body, and soul has been deteriorating one day at a time. I don't mean the usual "healthy" of being a stereotypical meat head, a puritan of heart, or meditating all day. I just mean for myself ; someone I can be comfortable with , without looking at the mirror and saying "What happened to us." This life of mine is now a constant battle of Me vs. Living. I'm currently losing, time to take the gloves off and even the score , because I refuse to believe this is an unfair match in any way with all these tricks up my sleeve! "Every living thing pushed into the ring, fight it out to wow the crowd. Guess you thought you could just watch ;No one's getting out without Stadium Love!"

I'm in this limbo of a world, not content but neither discontent enough to do anything about it. Maybe this is caused by comparing myself too much to the normal world at large. But it's hard not to see yourself in a different light when it's apparent you're not like the 500 billion other entities around you. Do I fret so much over nothing? Over the fact that I'm completely different and an oddity amonst such frequent characters. I'm honestly more afraid that I'm just a minor supporting character ; the person that is sacrificed to move the story along. Powers taken away, just to meet an end. Used to capture the flag and forgotten about for the sake of victory. But that's ok , we still won! This sneaking suspicion in the back of your mind that tells you that you're nothing beneath extraordinary can easily be underminded. Ironically it's the main reason that I feel uneasy half the time. I'm trying to step up to the challenge, even if a good majority around me have silver spoons and I use my hands like a barbarian. Once I depart from this life, at least I can say I was extraordinary in my own respect ; Brilliant to myself , because self relevance has some sort of worth...right?

The easy jokes are beginning to seep under the skin and create a poison reaction. Taint me with doubt and rid me of the confidence (the few of it) I had. They shouldn't even affect me, I don't know why they randomly do just that. Such uncreative discourse should not change how I feel. But it's still good to know I've got the whole world fooled. This barricaded facade will only fall down with nukes. To bad war is right at our doorsteps everyday. Just a matter of time...

Lets hope a change of scenery, situations, stipulations, and a snake named Paco will make the world a little more bright.

Thought of the Moment

We're such an obnoxious species.

I'm sure I'll elaborate upon this much later and you won't even know it.

The Revolution Is Here

So soon it'll be 1 year since I've been doing this on my own. I have practically nothing to show for it ; aside the bruises upon my soul and the dirt in my hair. Maybe this is what the world calls living ; I'm still up for the challenge. Only this time around, I'm not gonna be such a pacifist. Time to start kicking and screaming back at the world.

It's always exciting to see myself become this completely new person along side the people I know and love. I suppose I'm grateful I have things to look back upon ; The Harbinger of darkness has faded. I never expected to be where I am at this point in time ; To take control, be entitled, and genuinely excited about creating yourself. Is this what most of the world is feeling?

I've ridden railroads, made people I barely know love me, been convicted of a misdemeanor, and still remain optimistic. Clearly I am capable of anything and can take over the world one day at a time. Who wants to be a apart of this shit with me?!