Channel Changling

So, lately I've been slightly re-watching The L Word episodes ; I really like this show if you haven't noticed. Half the joy for me is going back through the shows and noticing the exact moment, if not part of it, a character changes. The sheer uplift of confidence alongside the downpour of depression that spews from their body. Whether it's speaking up or starting blood shed. Once this happens you know they are being pushed somewhere, for better or for worse. It's exciting to feel as if you notice something essential.

I've been testing myself, to try and notice these sorts of changes in everyone around me. It's quite exhilarating and mind tingling when it happens ; It's such a fleeting moment ending in a blink of the eyes. You talk on the phone to your mother only to hear a statement of complete confidence, beyond the woman that lost her husband 7 years ago. This caged cockatiel has been let out the cage only to transform into an eagle making her proverbial nesting grounds. As this split second happens, you realize that they are going to be alright. The change is abrupt and unfaltering. A friend portraying that they aren't going to be uncomfortable at the expense of another, taking complete responsibility for the actions taken. No matter what the consequence and situation of the other. The world stands out to know that you are in control of your own libido and personal entanglements. From the one night stand to the date of a lifetime.

What forces this blindsided change until it's solidified into muscle memory. What complete cosmic change forces us to find another self in the midst of it all. You wake up and find yourself more connected to someone you rarely see ; Habitually texting just from the high of Eros. The Gods always warned me of you. Only to find yourself to be alone surrounded and suffocated at The Last Supper. (This in no way means I undervalue my friends.) Adapt so that time can be had for yourself, to buy something for yourself, or to steal away a moment for another. You mimic Phaeton and hope that you have a stronger hand ; Another disaster need not happen in this world. It's a double edged sword, this change, as you begin to numb, isolate, and dissipate yourself from the world at large. "But at least they know. At least we're all together on this." It's a metamorphosis that rips your heart open and spills everything on the floor , in hopes that someone can help you recognize what all that blood means. Be it a grand stain knowing you refuse to be put out of house and home, a home wrecker, or that you just know you can't work retail for the rest of your life.

They say change is constant, but know one ever tells you that you'll probably have to keep getting to know yourself. Even if it's only for a brief fleeting moment.