You've Got Some Catching Up To Do

So much has happened since my last blog, I've been occupied and distracted. This week I got myself a PSP (A little gift to myself since I NEVER do that) and it's been pretty fucking amazing. Sadly it's been pretty fucking amazing at numbing myself from the real world. "Everywhere Just Got Better" But honestly , I don't need friends anymore as long as this thing is in my hands and I have cute cats and magical powers at my side. Also that means I'm tight on money till my next pay check. It makes you feel so alive to struggle inside just for a pint of fun ; These sleepless nights never seemed so worth it till now. I wonder when this shiny and new smell will wear off. Hopefully just in time for you to save me.

In This Day and Age I'll amount to nothing. Someone made me recognize the fact that I refuse to live beyond my means equates to owning nothing and ultimately dying a tragic death. (I'm honestly fine with that). "You won't be able to own a house without credit" I'll be homeless, fuck your credit cards and your fake money. I didn't sign up for this imaginary life - I didn't sign up for a temporary situation. I didn't sign up at all, I don't want to be approved. The consumerist state constantly poisons my soul, I wish I could honestly just catch the bird flu instead. I'm more at ease with a biological epidemic than a social construct. No one wants a scrub, this supports my theory about myself just fine - trying just isn't enough these days ; I wish I could save you.

Fast food and quick living, I want it now! I'm out of place waiting in a world that doesn't stop for a person trying to learn a new skill. You either learn it on the go, or get the fuck out. As if new systems and old functions have been permanently etched into our DNA. We look at simple tasks and say "I could do that, why can't you." Why aren't we built to learn the same way at the same rate? Why aren't we just built to learn in general? Clearly we've forgotten how slow Darwin works. Neohumans better show up soon or we're all just fucked to hell. Us so called unextraordinary people will be left walking ; Everyone else flying the skies and changing pencils into flowers. It must be grand to be so destined and concretely settled into a path ; They say knowledge is everything (they just don't tell you that it should be directed towards yourself first). There are a den of lions waiting to eat you up once you take that shot. But my mom has learned to texts me every time I don't pick up the phone, so maybe there's still hope for the world and evolution.

Did I land here because I hate taking complete chances, even though I'm supposed to be a huge gambler. I only take chances on things I'm almost certain I'll win. Except you... "I'm Yours" just doesn't cover it all Jason. I can't decide if I'm more giddy or insulted by myself that I'm giddy. It's such a cliche and yet I've fallen in love with the text , the sound , and the idea of it. We're such an odd and awkward match that it could be successful. You're the best shot I've got at this, everything else is just fishy and blurred faces in the background. I can learn to fit you in this busy schedule of life. You'll have to fit in my mouth and mind ; we don't fit anywhere else amongst these robots doing the disco , more specifically I don't fit in that world. I crave attention, but more specifically I want you ; Is cheating even an option when there are no hand cuffs? You won't do it and someone else will, that must mean you're worth while. That's what they say. Yep Yep That's What Momma says. If only I was actually speaking of tears , rain drops, and broken hearts. Keyblades are way more exciting than this little game we've got going on.

I've come to a slight decision that I need to move out of this town ; farther away from the proverbial home. There's nothing here for me beyond cute faces, people who barely know me, and revamped dreams. It's time to make new friends who hopefully read me better or worse. I know that might be too much to hope for, I've had 22 years to keep my deepest feelings inside behind a face of many faces. I augment myself with such a great facade. I could be completely sad with a smile on my face, empathy is such an amazing skill set when you want to hide everything about yourself. I should learn to learn that I need turn it off sometimes, but as long as people keep feeding the lack of interests I'll keep feeding the hunger.

"Sometimes it’s easier to say that you don’t care… than to explain all the reasons why you do."

I look around and go back through the memories of my life and can honestly say I've never really had a terrible experience. That pretty much keeps me excited and optimistic about my life. These fairy tales are just so hard to leave on the bookshelf sometimes. Especially when they are littered with such wordly language.