I feel as if I'm being tested. That my life is constantly throwing crazy shit at me , just so The God's can see how much optimism I can exude from my pores. As if I'm being conditioned for something grand, or slightly less mediocre. But I fear that this lovely smile will fade in the face of so many traumatic events.
So much action has been packed in this last week. I've had my car break down in the middle of the road, thus rendering me back to square one ; thankfully someone stopped to help me push it! Walked to work without a coat on a nice day, ended up leaving in the shit storm of waterfall - needless to say, I got all wet. I've also set a friend to an acquaintance level , because I'm not gonna wait around forever till this person gets it. Sadly I'm perfectly fine with letting the person drift away into silence. "I'm just gettin too fuckin old for that shit." Besides after typing all this out, it does not seem all that bad. Things could be worse off than they really are at this point. I'm completely fine with how my life is going, I can only hope that what I'm doing and enduring right now will pay off - for me - as a person. There goes that optimism again! Divine chuckling in the sky. I fear for my legs as wait for my decent karma to help and bail me out.
I need a break, from myself - from life ; from everything. A self delusional break from feeling like I put more effort into living than most people ; completely irrational , I know ; I know better! It just sucks feeling like one against the world with no remorse or cause!
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I will quit drinking and use the money to buy you a new car. If I fail, you can have my umbrella for those walks in the rain. And my tap shoes if you would prefer to dance home in the rain. (No, I don't really have any tap shoes...unfortunately.)
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